Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into the Presidency by Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society

Author:Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society [Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781607106913
Publisher: Portable Press
Published: 2012-09-30T14:00:00+00:00

Four presidents (Reagan, Ford, Harding, & Jackson) married divorced women.

Some deep dish: Maria and Sammuel wanted to smooth things over. They planned to attend balls held in their honor where everyone could celebrate. Their first ball was hosted by Commodore Stephen Decatur, a beloved naval hero. Unfortunately he was killed in a duel the very next day and Washington went into mourning over Decatur’s demise. All partying ended, and the capital continued to resent the Monroe wedding and the newlyweds. For their part Sammuel and Maria resented Eliza for dominating their big day, and the sisters became estranged.

THE MOST AWKWARD WEDDING

The dish: The only president to see his son married in the White House was John Quincy Adams. But he was unhappy because this was a wedding he’d done his best to prevent. First Lady Louisa Adams couldn’t enjoy herself because she was sure that the groom, her son, John, “looked quite sick.” The source of all this angst? It was John’s bride, Mary Catherine Hellen, a nineteenth-century femme fatal who took the Adams family by storm.

It all started when the First Lady invited her lively niece to live with her at the White House. Mary’s beauty and flirtatious personality soon captured the attentions of all three of the president’s sons. First Mary snared the heart of her cousin Charles. They were an item until Mary met her Cousin George and forgot all about Charles. Mary and George were engaged (though President Adams didn’t approve and was doing his best to break it up) when Cousin John arrived to the White House after being expelled from school. George was soon forgotten and then Mary and John became a hot item. Mama Louisa was forced to spruce up the Blue Room and let the pair marry for fear the couple would cause a scandal.

Some deep dish: Neither Charles nor George attended their brother’s wedding. Mama Louisa took to her sick bed after the whole ordeal. Sensitive, poetic George plunged into a depression, took up drinking, and died less than two years later. The cause was said to be accidental drowning. But some whispered it was a suicide and blamed fickle Mary.

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